[islandmomma]

I am sorry for what you are going through fellow Canadian Lady (sorry but I hate the sound of Canuck---LOL, makes us sound like Bohunks).

Vicki and Denise are right...there will likely be many triggers to send you all back into grieving and loss mode in the next few years. It helps to try to make different memories for the occasions that will help to add to old associations that required Dad to be there for it to feel right or happy or whole. If your dad was important, he will always be a part of these times anyway but as has been said, it will be easier to welcome him back on those days as time passes.

My Mom passed away 22 years ago and her funeral was on St. Paddy's day that year, 1986 (she also had a massive heart attack--her first and fatal). Now, although I miss her still sometimes, these dates become an opportunity to remember and celebrate what we shared.

Be kind to yourself...I especially liked the commemorative drive with your Mom to the cemetary. It takes time for all to move on...

jan

[Patoolla]

Oh yes, the special events and Holidays are difficult after the loss of a loved one. It helped me to remember that they were celebrating the event in Heaven...and what a celebration for them!!! And I did the same thing as you, Canucklady, tried to be strong for my Mom. But you know what? It wouldn't have been weak to give in to those tears in front of her. She was probably trying to be strong in front of me too! Looking back I think it might have helped both of us if we just gave in to feeling the pain and held each other while we cried. It hurts so bad holding back those tears and it hurts to cry alone. I said it earlier but its just one of the things that helped me so much. Tears are healing. God Bless, Pat

[canucklady]

Patoolla, on Mar 17 2008, 12:55 PM, said:

Oh yes, the special events and Holidays are difficult after the loss of a loved one. It helped me to remember that they were celebrating the event in Heaven...and what a celebration for them!!! And I did the same thing as you, Canucklady, tried to be strong for my Mom. But you know what? It wouldn't have been weak to give in to those tears in front of her. She was probably trying to be strong in front of me too! Looking back I think it might have helped both of us if we just gave in to feeling the pain and held each other while we cried. It hurts so bad holding back those tears and it hurts to cry alone. I said it earlier but its just one of the things that helped me so much. Tears are healing. God Bless, Pat

Just when I think am done grieving. This second anniversary seems worse than last year. I was crying all day on Jan 18th. I didnt even cry that much the day I found out he died. This year seems to be more intense, didnt think was possible

[ireneo]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. There will always be those special days when the memories flood in and you realize just how much you miss him. It's been a little over a year since my Dad passed away. I do fine most days because life gets in the way. Busy, busy. But then his birthday or Father's Day or Christmas rolls around and so do the memories. Or people talk about their Dads and I realize I can't add to the conversation any more. It's a big gap. Grieving, crying just shows how much you loved him. That's not so bad, is it?

canucklady, on Jan 20 2010, 10:54 PM, said:

Just when I think am done grieving. This second anniversary seems worse than last year. I was crying all day on Jan 18th. I didnt even cry that much the day I found out he died. This year seems to be more intense, didnt think was possible

[Denisefh]

Today is the one year anniversary of the death of a person I cared for very much. I am just as sad today as I was the day he died.

I think if you lose someone you love, the pain will always be there no matter how much time has passed. As Irene says, maybe it just shows how much you love them and how much their lives meant.

I am sorry for your loss.
Denise

[vickimikeus]

Today is the 3 month anniversary of my father's death. I miss him so very much even though I know he's not in pain or suffering any more. That was so hard to witness. He was such a strong, proud man and to see him suffering was almost more than I could bear. I think we have good days and bad days no matter how long our loved one has been gone. Hang in there and know you are not alone.



Vicki

[canucklady]

My uncle also passed away of massive heart attack last week. I have been with my aunt and cousins trying to help them out. I know all too well what they are going through. It just breaks my heart as it was just like my dad's death. One minute he was here, next hour he is gone. Thank you all for your kind words. I don't post alot, but I do read the forums often.

[Denisefh]

I am so sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that you have been there for your aunt and cousins, my prayers for you all.
Denise